August, 2013 - KInk & Sex Positive Therapy, Education and Coaching

PEM Survey – 60% aware of Erotic Fantasies before age 10!

Intriguing Initial Results of the Personal Erotic Myth Survey are in…see report link below . The PEM Survey has passed 175 participants so far in this soft launch phase! Though the PEM is not holding to the strict standards of a scientifically valid study, the results are still quite intriguing. For instance to the question, “At what age did you become aware of having erotic fantasies? 35% chose between age 4-7 and 25% between 8-10. That is, 60% of respondents were aware of their erotic fantasies or sexual desires, by10 years old. About 40% had begun masturbating to their fantasies by age 10. 50% + stated they view porn and masturbate weekly, or more. When asked how viewing porn and masturbating affected sexual relations with partners 64% said no difference, 23% said watching porn increased desire for their partner. Here is the link to view the initial report that compiles the data from the 40 plus questions on the survey. http://obsurvey.com/r.aspx?id=6D21827B-A66B-457B-89E3-D65E7B98765E There are also, not surprisingly, high percentages of shame and fear associated with one’s sexual desires. A number of participants spoke to this directly, [...]

Sexual Honesty – Does it Feel Unsafe to Tell the Truth about Your Kink?

Why is it so difficult to express our most taboo sexual desires? I had a new client recently, who confessed how she almost turned around on her way over to our first appointment. We had talked initially by email and then a phone interview. She had asked for help in sorting out her secret sexual desires, from the parts of her that felt fear and shame about them. On the phone, in our first call, she could only hint at what she had held back sexually all her life. In a choked voice, she struggled to say that it had to do with “being taken”. She wanted to be dominated. “This is so embarrassing to talk about.” Some part of her was terrified that she had this desire at all. It totally went against her feminist and religious beliefs. But she was reaching a point, where her erotic desire was overwhelming her fear and shame at revealing it. She knew something had to shift. We scheduled an initial appointment for a talk only session. But on the way, she had pulled over and parked down [...]