Innovative survey helps people clarify their core sexual themes and avoid erotic mismatches in relationships.

The “Discover Your Personal Erotic Myth Survey” (PEM) is a tool for individuals or couples to map out the nuanced depths of their sexual desires. Once recognized, they can then learn how to fit those desires into their everyday life in a conscious, healthy, fulfilling manner. Nearly 2000 people, generally from more sex-positive and sex-alternative populations have taken the survey so far. The results are eye-opening and reveal the great depths and variations of sexuality that are emerging in the contemporary world.

My experience working with client’s demonstrates that knowing your Personal Erotic Myth can open you to unimagined sexual ecstasy, deepen intimacy in your relationships, and help you avoid disastrous erotic mismatches in long term relationships. And since it is Adult Sex Ed Month, what better reason could you need to check deeper into your own kinks.

A PEM contains the fantasy imagery, story-lines, mythic archetypal personas (such as Dom/sub Master/Mistress slave and many more), and the particular enactments that drive a person that has a PEM to orgasm, or other deep erotic states. It is often expressed in fetish, kink and D/s-BDSM oriented sex. Some people are quite aware of their PEM, and may have caught glimpses of it, or more, well before puberty…even if they have yet to share it with another.  Some may have already crossed the threshold of secrecy their desire may have been held in, to engage the desire itself. Some will have multiple PEM’s that ebb and flow in their sex life. For many others, it is still an unconscious but compelling force, just below acknowledged awareness, that drives their sexual desire. It is the aspect of their Eros that they have not looked at, or engaged in consciously.  But during sex, in the moments right before orgasm, it cannot be denied and will flood into the body in wild, fierce gestures, accompanied often, by profane, blasphemous invectives.

I believe those blasphemies and primitive groans expressed just before orgasm are often just a “sound byte” from one’s PEM. The PEM is like a zip file, stored in the unconscious. It contains hours of content, that includes all the elements of a mythic erotic story…archetypal personas, counterpart personas, setting, history, attire, dialogue, body language, props, et al. Some of these myths may stretch deep down into the instinctual layers of our psychological structures. These  may stem from the mammalian( hot-blooded, alpha/beta pecking order – dominance and submission) levels of our inherent unconscious, and reptilian( cold-blooded, predator/prey – sadist/masochist) phases of our biological and psychological heritage. These wilder, primitive aspects of human biology/psychology often show up in the myths, personas and physical expressions related to Fetish, Kink, and D/s-BDSM sexual expression. See Fetlife.com for a panoramic view of the full range of Fetish interests and the millions of people already participating in them.

While this is very early stage research, I believe this exploration into the psychological nature of Fetishsexuality could be relevant in regards to updating the outdated dating protocols still operating in the culture at large. People are partnering and marrying without ever having discussed, let alone know what each others sexual desires look like, or how frequently or what kinds of sexual expression is central to their erotic nature. This leads to devastating erotic mismatches, which may devolve into all manner of shadowy, hidden, dangerous or deceptive behaviors eventually going on behind partners’ backs, or shows up in other harmful ways that disrupt if not destroy the relationship.

People knowing their PEM and tools of how to communicate that honorably to a potential partner may be more apt to have a stronger bond in their overall relationship than not, as well as a fulfilled and well-expressed sexuality.

I believe that upwards of 15% of the population has an inherent fetish-driven sexual nature, held within a PEM(s), just as around 10% of the gene pool is gay or lesbian in their sexual orientation. I speculate that it may be a much higher percentage, and I am attempting to explore this theory further.

I devised the PEM survey in response to working with hundreds of my clients and workshop particpants who sought to come to terms with their own kinky desires. In my private Transpersonal psychology practice, clients came to me trying to understand this mildly to extremely kinky part of themselves, that had been with them for decades in their fantasies, but seemed at odds with their everyday social or moral persona.

More significantly, it was often at odds with the judgments of others in their life, from their spouse, family, religious or moral views. This fear of other’s judgment or discovery had generally kept my client’s desire hidden beneath fear and shame. But these were life-long desires that never went away. This secrecy had led many to act out or pursue their desire in risky or unhealthy ways. Now finally they were coming to me just wanting to be who they were sexually and heal the shame fear and judgment that held them back.

The goal of this ongoing research is to help people with lifelong kink or fetish driven desires, learn to embrace and express their authentic sexuality in conscious ways that are physically, emotionally and spiritually healthy, and in integrity with their values, agreements and intention. Though the research is preliminary, I believe that Fetishsexuality for some percentage of the gene pool is a life-long, inherent, innate sexual identity, on the same level that straight, bi, gay or lesbian is an authentic sexual identity, as defined by the American Psychological Association.

Some of the startling insights from over 1300 people who have taken the PEM survey so far:

50% became aware of their sexual fantasies before age 10

33% were masturbating to them by age 10.

40% masturbate to porn daily to several times per week.

38% claimed their porn/masturbation activity led to more desire for their partners, 54% said it made no difference in their desire for their partner.

54% struggle with shame and fear the judgment of others about their desires

83% claimed Dominance and submission was a prevalent aspect of their fantasies

Over 500 people voluntarily revealed very explicit and provocative snippets of dialogue common to their PEM while masturbating to their fantasies.

About 60% of the respondents identified as female, 35% male, and 5% identified as other, such as pan-sexual, gender queer and a number of additional self-selected references. Respondents were primarily from populations that were already sex-positive in their views, not by random selection.

The 40 plus question, completely anonymous PEM survey, is a tool that helps the participant to begin to gain insights into the more specific nature of their sexual desire, particularly those in the more Kink or Fetish driven end of the scale. They can also start to learn more clearly what resists or stands in the way of honest expression of their authentic desires. They can then begin to untangle the sex-negative unconscious resistances – judgment, fear and shame based internal messages embedded since childhood from the authentic desire itself.

Here are just two of many positive comments about the personal impact of the survey.

“I absolutely loved taking the survey. In life many look at sex as Taboo. Exploring your sexuality with your partner shouldn’t be frowned upon. If anything you learn your likes and dislikes as well as his. Nothing is sexier that being the others desire and exploring outside the realm of conformity.”

“Thank you for giving me a place to try and explain what I feel. It is so nice knowing that I am not alone.”

Those who take the survey are able to voluntarily opt-in to see the compiled results of nearly 2000 other participants.

If you are interested in reviewing or taking the survey go to: http://galenfous.com/pem

This is YOUR life. I encourage you to be exactly who you are in all regards, consciously, humanely, consensually, erotically.

 

The World’s Most Versatile Adult Sex Toy since 2000

 

Artwork by Samarel