Secret Sex Lives – Why Do We Fear Being Honest About Our Desires

There is a long unending stream of national news reports about politicians, teachers, religious leaders, entertainers, sports figures and other celebrities, caught in some variation of sexual dishonesty.

Pundits and experts often label the behaviors, and the fall from grace that follows, the result of sex or porn addiction.

These highly publicized celebrity cases point to, but overlook a larger issue of rampant sexual dishonesty that is found at every level of the culture. These cases are just the visible tip of the iceberg of our collective sexual shadow, and the secretive ways we attempt to express our sexuality. Imagine all the rest of the population that are indulging their sexuality in covert ways. The stats are astronomical!

My concern is that the current psychological tools used to assess someone as a sex/porn addict, a hypersexual or a sexual deviant, are inadequate and outdated. They do not allow for nor encourage this amazing range of emerging sexuality. Many assessed as having a sexual disorder may simply be men and women who have an alternative sexuality that is outside the range of those doing the assessment.

If addiction is the model that makes sense to the one seeking support around their sexual expression, by all means, pursue therapy under the sex/porn-addiction model. But if the label does not seem to fit, even if you are a regular porn user or have a high sex drive, then consider that you may have not yet owned and honored what is sexually true for you. You have a right to be who you are sexually, and define your own norm in ways that are conscious, consensual and risk aware.

By | 2018-04-16T17:00:32+00:00 April 13th, 2018|Uncategorized|0 Comments

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