A Transpersonal View of the Empowering and Healing Dimensions of Sexual Authenticity

Presenting at the 20th Anniversary Conference of the European Association of Transpersonal Psychology, Paris France, Sept 2019

My lecture will demonstrate how embracing one’s authentic sexuality from mainstream to Kink, can lead to a sense of wholeness, empowerment, deep intimacy and ecstatic transcendence of the ordinary realms of consciousness. This implies consensual, negotiated, conscious expressions of one’s sexuality.

At the same time, the path to sexual authenticity offers an opportunity, if not a necessity, to untangle decades old internalized shame, fear, trauma, and moral judgments that may resist one’s authentic sexual desire. The path to sexual authenticity runs parallel to the path of sexual healing.

Context

 The “normal” range of human sexual expression is shifting profoundly. Millions of people around the world have already crossed the thresholds of previous cultural, moral and spiritual norms for acceptable sexual behavior. Millions more stand at their own thresholds, hesitant but eager to cross over. This mass excursion into the full spectrum of Erotic expression is unprecedented in the history of civilization.

New relationship styles are emerging, around a diverse range of sexual orientations and identities. Some join together to express and explore every range of kinky perversity imaginable. Others seek heart-connection through a spiritual path of ecstatic awareness, channeling their sexual “energy” to achieve advanced states of consciousness.

On the whole, all of them embrace romantic and loving relationships, but with a few twists! These early-adapters are exploring the wilderness of the Erotic psyche that has been taboo, forbidden, inappropriate and off-limits to the general population of every era since the rise of “civilization“ and organized religion.

These newly emerging aspects of human sexuality are like a gold mine buried deep within the human psyche, that culture, religion, morality, superstition, law and fear has kept hidden for millennium.

Thanks to the anonymity offered by the Internet over the last few decades, people are digging for and finding this gold deep within their long neglected sexual psyche. They are learning to express and share their sexuality in conscious, ecstatic ways with others. Sexuality is finally being embraced and recognized as an integral aspect of the human experience, at least by an emerging sex-positive culture.

But there are definitely cautions and sensibilities to consider. This explosion of liberated sexuality within the human psyche is still in a very adolescent state. At this early stage, we and those we engage can still be quite immature, reckless, and irresponsible with these compelling opportunities to experience the depths of Eros.

The sexual frontier before us is equivalent to the Wild West before law and order was established. This is the place where the greenhorn can be fleeced, or even harmed accidently, or otherwise. To a great extent, we collectively lack the social and psychological tools and education to communicate and operate honestly about sex. We drag our unresolved shadows, ignorance and wounded parts from our developmental sexual experiences into territory that requires mature, responsible, accountable, well-informed adult behavior.

Focus of the Presentation

This presentation will be based on the results from over 4000 participants from my acclaimed research project, the Discover Your Personal Erotic Myth Survey,my extensive work with clients, and 2 decades active in the Sex-Positive lifestyle.

From this body of work, I will share an array of effective tools, mindful embodiment practices and depth-psychological insights that support people to embrace their authentic sexual desires in a conscious, present, responsible, shame-free manner.

The first part of the lecture will lay a foundation for both the individual and the therapist to support the client in integrating their sexuality, from sacred to profane, into their everyday life and relationships.

Over the last 20 years I’ve developed the 5 Keys to support being in integrity around one’s sexuality. These principles and practices include Sexual Authenticity, Sexual Honesty, Sexual Embodiment/Empowerment, Sexual Shadow and Paradox.

These keys are designed to access more presence, embodiment, mindful consent, address compulsivity and secrecy, resolving sexual shame, fear and trauma, and introduce the idea of sexuality as your birthright.

The second part of the lecture will introduce a Kink-positive psychological model and various therapeutic techniques drawn from transpersonal theories of psychology as well as depth, analytical, positive, cognitive psychology and what I will call imaginal psychology.

It will draw on data from the 4000 PEM survey participants to consider the archetypal, symbolic, mythic-story driven psychological dynamics of Kink-oriented sexuality.

There has been an explosion of interest in Kink sexuality over the last 30 years.  Kink, aka D/s-BDSM is a very complex sexuality. It requires mature, responsible, educated sensibilities to engage partners in healthy, consensual, fulfilling ways.

It requires coming to terms with the sex-negative fear, shame, trauma, confusion and sexual dishonesty prevalent within individuals and the culture.

This complexity and the rapid emergence of Kink sexuality into mainstream culture has left many of the current academic and clinical models of sex therapy and psychology inadequate if not obsolete.

My work is to help expand the current transpersonal, academic and clinical views and practices of sex-therapy, to meet this rapid expansion in the range of human sexual expression.

I prefer to identify a person with a Kink-driven sexuality as a Fetishsexual. A Fetishsexual by my definition, is a person driven to orgasm or other deep erotic state through their innate, inherent, ongoing desire for a particular range of archetypal, symbolic, mythic sexual engagements from primal to more refined. This engagement typically occurs in some variation of a consensual, negotiated erotic power-exchange between two or more people, for some negotiated period of time.

I call this innate, recurring, often unconscious desire within an individual their Personal Erotic Myth (PEM).

A PEM contains the internal fantasy imagery, storylines, mythic archetypal sexual personas and counter-personas, props, attire, dialogue and actions that drive a Kink-oriented individual’s sexual desire towards orgasm.

 When expressed, this sexual persona can be completely present and creative in the moment of sexual engagement, within negotiated boundaries. It is not role-play. It is embodiment.

 And in the immediate moments before orgasm this distinct, often primal persona, will typically embody in some wild, intense physical way, no matter how unconscious and generally out of sight it may be. It may also vocalize…producing ”sound-bites” from their Personal Erotic Myth.

 The intention of this lecture and my work as a therapist and researcher, is to support individuals to consciously, consensually, exuberantly embrace and explore the depths of their inherent sexual desires, and begin to untangle all the internal psychological resistances, embedded fears, shames and/or traumas that may hold their desire back or keep it hidden in shadow.

Learning Objectives:(Note: some aspects of this course may be omitted to accommodate the time allowed the presenter)

• Expanding the concept of “Normal” sexuality from cultural, moral and political considerations to allow the individual’s personal norm to be considered and allow them to claim their birthright as a sexual being.

•  Supporting clients to be in integrity around their sexual expressions and agreements

•  Understanding how sex-negative internalized fears, shames and traumas interfere with authentic sexual expression

•  Introducing the concept of Sexual Authenticity Disorder, its symptoms and treatment

•  Guiding clients through the Five Keys For Sexual Fulfillment in life and relationships

•  Techniques to help clients become conscious, honest, embodied and empowered sexual beings

•  Review of the data-set and insights from the 4000+ respondents who’ve taken the Discover Your Personal Erotic Myth Research Survey

• The Archetypal, Symbolic and Mythic psychological structures of Fetishsexuality – aka Kink.

• Fetishsexuality as Sexual Identity

• Exploring a client’s Personal Erotic Myth (or your own!)

• Kinkphobia – coming to terms with internal judgments and projections the therapist may have, that interferes with their objective support of the clients intention.

• Sex is Friction – Eros is Myth: The distinctions between “vanilla” sex and Kink-oriented Eros

• D/s-BDSM – the yin/yang of Kink – explaining the sacred/profane paradox of Kink

• Review of the primary sex-related client concerns :

• Shadowy/Compulsive Behaviors, Sexual Dishonesty

• Embrace Desire/Claim Birthright

• Untangle Resistance – shame, fear, judgment, trauma, other

• Confusion about Paradox

• Erotic Mismatches

• Mindfulness, Embodiment, Ambiance, Advocacy