And the best approach to address it. Many people wonder if their own or their partner’s sexual desires and practices may be abnormal, or even addictive. There is a constant messaging in the culture about sex/porn addiction, hypersexuality, and people acting out their sexuality in harmful ways due to childhood abuse or trauma. These narratives overlook an even more pressing issue, What I call Sexual Authenticity Disorder. I believe that an innate, inherent sexuality is a distinct psychological dimension of every individual. This distinct sexuality includes the types of sexual and life partners they are instinctually attracted to, the core themes their fantasies follow, and their innate frequency for sexual engagement. In the great majority of cases I have encountered, someone’s inherent sexual nature transcends developmental influences and experiences. But one’s authentic sexual nature can be negatively impacted by those influences. These negative influences often entangle one’s innate sexuality and its healthy expression in shame, fear, secrecy, dishonesty and more that can harm both the individual and their relationships. Anyone’s authentic sexual expression needs to be intimately linked to sexual integrity. This means adhering to [...]

Women’s sexuality and its overt, liberated expression is on the rise. It is pouring out of the once forbidden, obscured, shadows and into the sexual mainstream. For many women this means learning about self-love, positive body image, sensuous touch, sacred sexuality, neo-Tantra, goddess worship, sex toys, g-spots and other meaningful intimate excursions into their personal sexuality. For other women, their sexual awakening has a kinkier, edgier expression. These women, by their own admission, seek to be ravaged, taken, grabbed by the hair, pushed against the wall.  They want their partner to show up sexually in his fierce, dominating, primal desire.  This growing interest in Kink, Dominance and submission and BDSM by millions of women worldwide has been highlighted by the 50 Shades phenomenon. Fifty Shades illuminated power-exchange driven Kink as a sexual undercurrent that has been rising into mainstream culture and women’s sexuality since the 1970’s. Paradoxically the current cultural conversation about men’s sexuality is often seeped in the contexts of rape-culture, creepiness, porn addiction and patriarchy from the left and immorality, sin and the work of the devil on the right. The notion that men’s [...]

Pro tips for determining sexual normalcy. "Normal" put in quotes sums it all up. Normal should be tongue-in-cheek these days. There is no normal other than each individual’s sexual norm. I use the term "normal" now to mean personal to the individual. Your sexuality is as distinct as your fingerprint and as inherent as your eye color. I consider it normal for you and your partner to embrace your sexuality as your birthright. You have every right to claim, experience, and celebrate it. No government, law, religion, psychology, family nor anyone has any business interfering with your "normal" sexual behavior (a.k.a. your authentic sexual expression). But in this era of emerging sexual liberation, normal must also include consideration of conscious sexual codes and practices such as consent, negotiation, safe words, education, after-care, and more that can allow our edgiest desires to be reasonably expressed with an eager partner seeking a similar edge. How can you tell if your partner's sexual desire is normal? It sounds simple enough, but here’s the problem: We are in an era of expanding sexual expression unprecedented in the history of civilization. The vast range of human sexual potential [...]

  In a panic about rampant porn viewing warping teen sexuality? Great! It’s a big concern. But if Sex-Ed is not the next word out of your mouth, then close it. Please. You are part of the problem. And by sex education, I mean informed, diverse, comprehensive, sex-positive, evidence-based year to year curriculums from middle school forward, not moral and religious based abstinence policies. This is what will be required to allow our young people to take their sexuality out of the uncertain shadowy Sex-Ed offered by the internet, playground and locker-room. Sex-Ed is critical to allow our teens to engage their sexuality, if they choose, in an informed, conscious, negotiated, consensual way. If you stand for decreased teen pregnancies, STD’s, consent violations, life-long anxiety, shame, secretiveness and utter confusion about their sexual desires and identity, then put your zealous fervor behind getting Sex-ED into our educational curriculum.     Excerpt from the Highly acclaimed Decoding Your Kink - Guide to Explore Share and Enjoy Your Wildest Sexual Desires. "Visionary...Masterful...Groundbreaking...Cutting Edge...Worth its Weight in Diamonds ... Highly Recommended...A Must Read"     Available on Amazon.com            [...]

  Those that can not soften risk being shattered           Excerpt from the Highly acclaimed Decoding Your Kink - Guide to Explore Share and Enjoy Your Wildest Sexual Desires. "Visionary...Masterful...Groundbreaking...Cutting Edge...Worth its Weight in Diamonds ... Highly Recommended...A Must Read"     Available on Amazon.com                  Check out my world famous 3 in 1 Tetruss portable dungeon, suspension bondage rig and sex swing. Serving the global Fetish community since 2000

  Sexual shame poisons our authentic sexuality. The poison infects, distorts and inhibits our natural sexual expression. Our immersion in shame-driven environments and cultures has bred sex-negative emotional messages within our psyches that can relentlessly inject fear or disgust into the same moment we are getting turned on. Our vulnerable sexual psyche can be flooded with all manner of harsh moral judgments, embarrassment, unworthiness, or inhibitions. In subtle to overt ways our sexual joy and ecstasy can be diminished if not lost altogether. This poisonous effect can be particularly potent, if we feel very shy or inhibited to begin with. To overcome deep shame, we must develop practices to mindfully encourage, love and consciously express our authentic sexuality. We will need to come face to face with all that resists or diminishes our fullest expression emotionally, physically, mentally and spiritually. There is no other antidote I know to exuberantly reclaim your sexual birthright.           Excerpt from the Highly acclaimed Decoding Your Kink - Guide to Explore Share and Enjoy Your Wildest Sexual Desires. "Visionary...Masterful...Groundbreaking...Cutting Edge...Worth its Weight in Diamonds ... Highly Recommended...A Must Read"   [...]

    What separates sex from violence is Eros.  Without the intention of mutual Eros, sex is an attack, a take down, a mounting of one over another, a hunger sated, a biological imperative fulfilled.  It is predator and prey at its most primal, cold-blooded expression.  It is the re-enactment of the hunter and the hunted,  hot-blooded and ravenous, if still inhumane.  What unites sex with our humanity is Eros. Eros is the mysterious, creative, sexual dimension of love. Within that love, our Eros may flourish. We may express it in the most tender, sensuous ways imaginable. With a consenting partner, we may explore every taboo, primitive, wild lust ever conceived. Within Eros both are gateways to profound intimacy and liberated ecstasy.           Excerpt from the Highly acclaimed Decoding Your Kink - Guide to Explore Share and Enjoy Your Wildest Sexual Desires. "Visionary...Masterful...Groundbreaking...Cutting Edge...Worth its Weight in Diamonds ... Highly Recommended...A Must Read"     Available on Amazon.com                    Check out my world famous 3 in 1 Tetruss portable dungeon, suspension bondage rig and sex swing. Serving the global Fetish [...]

    The Erotic Wilderness is a vast territory well beyond the societal norm. It is a complex, alluring aspect of the sexual psyche largely unexplored by individuals, couples or culture. Eros relentlessly and seductively beckons us to venture into the ecstatic intoxicating sexual depths within. Too many men and women have barely ventured, and left their Erotic Wilderness unexplored for decades. Some try to explore it in secretive shadowy ways, often with disastrous results. Some abandon their sexuality completely. It feels safer to remain within the narrows of normal, cradle to grave, rather than explore it in a conscious healthy way. What will you do now, when Eros calls?           Excerpt from the Highly acclaimed Decoding Your Kink - Guide to Explore Share and Enjoy Your Wildest Sexual Desires. "Visionary...Masterful...Groundbreaking...Cutting Edge...Worth its Weight in Diamonds ... Highly Recommended...A Must Read"     Available on Amazon.com                  Check out my world famous 3 in 1 Tetruss portable dungeon, suspension bondage rig and sex swing. Serving the global Fetish community since 2000

All I can do and give is my best effort to my life and mission…the rest is up to the mystery, often called Spirit. I try to revisit this awareness when I am feeling some loathsome, fearful, shaming self-judgment that I am going to fail or fall embarrassingly short. I wasn’t perfect! I won’t ever be lovable! My experience with the mystery reminds me to forgive and love myself anew. Always give your best. Be passionate about your life and mission. Be smart. Work hard. But understand there can be times where nothing is working. When every resource feels depleted. In these moments, the only chance you may have to stay on mission and survive, is a small to very large miracle. If you can risk leaning on blind faith, to surrender to something beyond your own will, the mystery may miraculously carry you out of harms way and nudge you along … or drop-kick you to the next leg of your magical journey.     Excerpt from the Highly acclaimed Decoding Your Kink - Guide to Explore Share and Enjoy Your Wildest Sexual Desires. "Visionary...Masterful...Groundbreaking...Cutting Edge...Worth its Weight [...]

  An unprecedented percentage of the world population - men, women and a pantheon of identities in-between, are choosing to be liberated sexual beings. They no longer ignore nor hide that they are sexual creatures well beyond the imperative of procreation. This has never happened before en masse in the hsitory of civilization. The jet set of every age frolicked madly, but not the masses. In this era more and more everyday people are making their sexual rights, and authentic expressions, a valid part of their human experience. People are deciding their personal sexuality deserves as much care, education, expression and nourishment as their physical, emotional, intellectual and spiritual needs. They want most of all for their personal sexuality to be granted the nonchalance of normalcy, no matter the content of their sexual identity or expression. Sexual authenticity, consensually practiced, is a fundamental human right.     Excerpt from the Highly acclaimed Decoding Your Kink - Guide to Explore Share and Enjoy Your Wildest Sexual Desires. "Visionary...Masterful...Groundbreaking...Cutting Edge...Worth its Weight in Diamonds ... Highly Recommended...A Must Read"     Available on Amazon.com  Check out my world famous 3 in 1 Tetruss portable [...]