5 keys to being sexually free, conscious and empowered. Being sexually authentic is your birthright. Sharing your deepest sexual truths with a trusted partner is one of the most loving, liberating, intimate and ecstatic of human experiences. Many men and women hide authentic aspects of their sexual desire…for good reason! Sex-negative social and political groups, family, religions and even our relationships often prohibit us from revealing or discussing the full spectrum of our sexual desires. It can be a challenge for many to find others who will bless and respect any but the narrowest view of acceptable sexual practice or frequency. In fact, the tangible fear of being shamed, harshly judged, or of losing partners, jobs, family or friends can leave many sexually active people secretive or shadowy about their true sexual desire. Some people are so deep in shame about their sexuality  they can’t get past the fear of speaking openly about their desires to those closest to them. Some can become consumed by fantasy, masturbation or porn rather than risk openly expressing what’s true to their partners…or even to themselves. Getting honest about our sexual desires can be a struggle, [...]

Sex is Friction Eros is Myth In the sex-negative, sex-ignorant culture we are immersed in, it may never have occurred to you that there is more to consider and explore beyond the friction-level sex most of us have engaged in. Friction level sex, while often quite satisfying, is of generally short duration. It just dusts the surface of the Erotic depths we are capable of experiencing, and are instinctively inclined to desire. It's reported that the average man, when engaging his sexual partner ejaculates in about seven minutes …or less! Men, listen up—anything under a half hour should be considered premature ejaculation! That is of course meant to be a provocative statement, not a judgment on men. In fairness, the invitation here is aimed at both men and women to explore further into their dance of Eros. Less than a half hour of lovemaking may mean missing the deeper realms of erotic ecstasy waiting for you both, just over the horizon of what I call friction sex. Finding your way to these deeper realms, has something to do of course, with not relying solely on friction, [...]

  The Fetish Sex Advisor column is intended as a place where singles and couples can find in-depth articles and anonymously submit their questions about how to maneuver the complexities of Fetish, Kink and D/s-BDSM sex and realtionships   As a sex-positive transpersonal therapist and guide over the last 15 years I have worked with hundreds of men, women and couples who sought support to be honest and empowered in who they are sexually. For many this meant learning to heal from the decades of fear, shame and judgments that held their authentic desire back, or kept it hidden in shadow. I have lived my personal life 24/7 as a lifestyle Dom since 1998. Rounding out my personal and professional experience in Kink, I also had a 10 year stint as one of the few male pro Dom’s in the lifestyle. I taught other’s how to consciously express their desires, be present and embodied and stay in integrity with their agreements. I am forever and always an advocate for honestly, consensually expressed sexuality. All of these experiences will be combined in this column to offer insight and [...]

How to bring fetish desires to a conscious, empowering, ecstatic consensual expression Part 1 in a series: An introduction to the phenomenal range of sexual expression and orientation occurring over the last 25 years worldwide.  Fifty Shades of Grey has triggered an explosive interest in Fetishsexuality, aka Kink, D/s-BDSM. I explain how to engage these edgy desires in a conscious, empowering and healing manner, and the critical need for sex-postive sex ed not only for teens, but also adults. Part 2: Sexual Authenticity, Shame, Honesty and Shadow. Fetishsexuality, aka Kink, D/s-BDSM. I explain how to engage these edgy desires in a conscious, empowering and healing manner, and the critical need for sex-postive sex ed not only for teens, but also adults. Part 3: We are pioneering the Wild West of Human Sexuality that is emerging after millennium of sex-negative moralistic repression, shame and fear. Part 4: Outdated Academic and Clinical Psychological Theories of Sexuality; SAD - Sexual Authenticity Disorder explained. Fifty Shades of Grey has triggered an explosive interest in Fetishsexuality, aka Kink, D/s-BDSM. I explain how to engage these edgy desires in a conscious, [...]

Understanding the compelling psychological undercurrents of our most taboo sexual desires and relationship structures. Our deepest erotic fantasies are shaped from the interplay of inner mythic stories, archetypes and symbols within our sexual psyches, activated during sexual engagement. Bringing these initially subtle inner elements into conscious awareness can open us to more fully experience explosive erotic intensity, access our deepest emotions, and ultimately strengthen intimacy and trust between partners. In a committed relationship, or even for a one-time negotiated scene with a play-partner, exploring our most taboo desires in a conscious manner offers the opportunity for both empowerment and healing. The challenge can be to notice these deeper, more vivid dimensions of our fantasies, often shrouded in shame, fear or trauma, and welcome them into our sexual expressions and relationships. To help in this regard, there are certain tools and techniques you can use, that can support you in discovering and inviting in what is personally sacred, authentic and meaningful to your sexual expression. Learning to use or create your own tools, sometimes called ritual practices, can open internal psychological pathways to deepen the physical, [...]

The Good Men Project site censors any discussion of Kink, BDSM or Fetish Sexuality from my popular column. The Good Men’s Project’s views on what defines sex-positive expression by good men and women, and what does not, was made clear to me recently. They censored my featured column on GMP, The Sex Positive Male. I was told I could no longer include any content referring to D/s-BDSM, Kink or Fetishsexuality. This censorship occurred despite their editorial claim that the Good Men Project’s mission is to have “the conversation no one else is having.” They further emphasize exactly how open-minded they consider themselves to be. They declare how important it is to be open to more than one view about what constitutes good –“the question of what is good opens the door to huge philosophical implications. Where does goodness start and where does it end? Who is the judge of what is good?” Well apparently the “who” in this case are the same people, who despite the above claim, ARE afraid of having me include this particular conversation no on else is having about kink and [...]

Innovative survey helps people clarify their core sexual themes and avoid erotic mismatches in relationships. The “Discover Your Personal Erotic Myth Survey” (PEM) is a tool for individuals or couples to map out the nuanced depths of their sexual desires. Once recognized, they can then learn how to fit those desires into their everyday life in a conscious, healthy, fulfilling manner. Nearly 2000 people, generally from more sex-positive and sex-alternative populations have taken the survey so far. The results are eye-opening and reveal the great depths and variations of sexuality that are emerging in the contemporary world. My experience working with client's demonstrates that knowing your Personal Erotic Myth can open you to unimagined sexual ecstasy, deepen intimacy in your relationships, and help you avoid disastrous erotic mismatches in long term relationships. And since it is Adult Sex Ed Month, what better reason could you need to check deeper into your own kinks. A PEM contains the fantasy imagery, story-lines, mythic archetypal personas (such as Dom/sub Master/Mistress slave and many more), and the particular enactments that drive a person that has a PEM to orgasm, or other deep erotic states. It is often [...]

Unlike 50 Shades of Grey, The Sharp Edge of Love renders true accounts of four unique, amazing, passionate women who cross the threshold of their darkest desires into the realms of  “EXTREME SEX, MYTHIC PASSION, PRIMAL INTENSITY!” This highly acclaimed book can be valuable to readers currently peering over the edges of their own desires, for real time D/s, Kink, Fetish and BDSM sex. The Sharp Edge of Love transforms fictional fantasy, into authentic real world engagement between real people. It is sizzling hot sexy,  romantically potent, and humanly authentic, versus the inaccurate, unconscious, emotionally unhealthy, and reckless fantasy depicted in Fifty Shades of Grey. ORDER HERE Hot Reviews “The Sharp Edge of Love has gotten some serious online buzz!”  MJ Rose, Wired.com “… like eavesdropping on a private conversation… these intimate confessions made me blush and turned me on.” — Betty Dodson, Ph.D, Author of Sex for One “…I became literally obsessed, unable to keep my hands off the book- or myself!” — Mindcaviar.com, Cassandra Snow “…a taboo-breakers stroke dream…like A Man and His Maid all over again, only without the British Victoriana.” — Susie Bright, Playboy columist; editor-Best American [...]

How to Get Honest About Your Own Sexual Norm --- There is a long unending stream of national news reports about politicians, teachers, religious leaders, entertainers, sports figures and other celebrities, caught in some variation of sexual dishonesty. Pundits and experts often label the behaviors, and the fall from grace that follows, the result of sex addiction. These cases are just the visible tip of the iceberg of our collective sexual shadow, and the secretive ways we attempt to express our sexuality. These highly publicized celebrity cases point to, but overlook a larger issue of rampant sexual dishonesty that is found at every level of the culture. These cases are just the visible tip of the iceberg of our collective sexual shadow, and the secretive ways we attempt to express our sexuality. Imagine all the rest of the population that are indulging their sexuality in covert ways. The stats are astronomical! Based on keyword searches for affairs, visits to hook-up sites like Craigslist ads and Ashley Madison themed websites, not to mention all the secret porning by men and women both, our level of sexual [...]