What do You do with Your Nice Guy When She Begs for Your Bad Boy?

How Would You Respond to Your Partner’s Request for Dominating, Rough Kinky Sex? Our inner sexual yearnings and our intimate relations with our partners are way more complicated than the simplistic, prudish, sexual morality we have grown up with. Here is just one of these complexities that I encounter when working with men, women and couples seeking to embrace their most taboo desires, in a conscious healthy way. Women’s sexuality and its overt, liberated expression is on the rise. It is coming out of the shadows and into the mainstream. For many women this means learning about self-love, intimate touch, sacred sexuality, neo-tantra, sex toys, g-spots and other meaningful sensual expressions. For others it has a more kinky, edgy expression. This interest in Kink, Dominance and submission and Fetish by millions of women worldwide was recently awakened and revealed by the 50 Shades phenomena. Paradoxically the cultural conversation about men’s sexuality is seeped in notions of rape-culture, creepiness, and misogyny from the left and immorality, sin and the work of the devil on the right. Over the last 50 years a great number of men [...]

By | 2015-06-28T16:16:10+00:00 June 28th, 2015|Uncategorized|0 Comments

Fetish Sex Advisor – Beyond Friction Sex Part 2: 7 Pleasure Pathways to Off the Charts Ecstasy for You AND your Partner

There is never any end to the pleasure of Eros. Here are 7 keys to keep you on course for max pleasure. In Part 1 - Sex is Friction, Eros is Myth the deeper realms of Erotic experience available to you were described when you and your partner take your passion beyond the range of friction sex. Here are some valuable tools to enhance that mythic Erotic journey with your partner.      1. Personal Embodiment The place to begin is your own body. We as a culture and men in particular have become considerably disembodied. We live from the neck up, in rational analysis, in stories in our head, in judgments about others and ourselves. We live in a thought-stream of anxiety about the future and regret about the past. We are often barely aware that we have a body and exist within it in this moment right now. You can be a hardcore workout geek, runner and intensely athletic but still not be consciously aware of your body. When we are not consciously embodied, we are unconsciously embodied. This unconscious embodiment displays in some [...]

By | 2015-06-12T06:01:30+00:00 June 12th, 2015|Uncategorized|0 Comments

Fetish Sex Advisor – How to Welcome Your Sex Creature

5 keys to being sexually free, conscious and empowered. Being sexually authentic is your birthright. Sharing your deepest sexual truths with a trusted partner is one of the most loving, liberating, intimate and ecstatic of human experiences. Many men and women hide authentic aspects of their sexual desire…for good reason! Sex-negative social and political groups, family, religions and even our relationships often prohibit us from revealing or discussing the full spectrum of our sexual desires. It can be a challenge for many to find others who will bless and respect any but the narrowest view of acceptable sexual practice or frequency. In fact, the tangible fear of being shamed, harshly judged, or of losing partners, jobs, family or friends can leave many sexually active people secretive or shadowy about their true sexual desire. Some people are so deep in shame about their sexuality  they can’t get past the fear of speaking openly about their desires to those closest to them. Some can become consumed by fantasy, masturbation or porn rather than risk openly expressing what’s true to their partners…or even to themselves. Getting honest about our sexual desires can be a struggle, [...]

By | 2015-06-02T06:16:04+00:00 June 2nd, 2015|Uncategorized|0 Comments

Fetish Sex Advisor – Part 1 – Beyond Friction Sex – 2 Emerging Paths to the Deeper Erotic Realms

Sex is Friction Eros is Myth In the sex-negative, sex-ignorant culture we are immersed in, it may never have occurred to you that there is more to consider and explore beyond the friction-level sex most of us have engaged in. Friction level sex, while often quite satisfying, is of generally short duration. It just dusts the surface of the Erotic depths we are capable of experiencing, and are instinctively inclined to desire. It's reported that the average man, when engaging his sexual partner ejaculates in about seven minutes …or less! Men, listen up—anything under a half hour should be considered premature ejaculation! That is of course meant to be a provocative statement, not a judgment on men. In fairness, the invitation here is aimed at both men and women to explore further into their dance of Eros. Less than a half hour of lovemaking may mean missing the deeper realms of erotic ecstasy waiting for you both, just over the horizon of what I call friction sex. Finding your way to these deeper realms, has something to do of course, with not relying solely on friction, [...]

By | 2015-06-02T01:30:57+00:00 June 2nd, 2015|Uncategorized|0 Comments

The Fetish Sex Advisor – Advice Insight and Guidance on Shame-Free Fetish, Kink and D’s-BDSM

  The Fetish Sex Advisor column is intended as a place where singles and couples can find in-depth articles and anonymously submit their questions about how to maneuver the complexities of Fetish, Kink and D/s-BDSM sex and realtionships   As a sex-positive transpersonal therapist and guide over the last 15 years I have worked with hundreds of men, women and couples who sought support to be honest and empowered in who they are sexually. For many this meant learning to heal from the decades of fear, shame and judgments that held their authentic desire back, or kept it hidden in shadow. I have lived my personal life 24/7 as a lifestyle Dom since 1998. Rounding out my personal and professional experience in Kink, I also had a 10 year stint as one of the few male pro Dom’s in the lifestyle. I taught other’s how to consciously express their desires, be present and embodied and stay in integrity with their agreements. I am forever and always an advocate for honestly, consensually expressed sexuality. All of these experiences will be combined in this column to offer insight and [...]

By | 2015-05-29T22:26:56+00:00 May 29th, 2015|Uncategorized|3 Comments

50 Shades of Fetish – Lecture sponsored by the Center for Gender Equity at Pacific University

How to bring fetish desires to a conscious, empowering, ecstatic consensual expression Part 1 in a series: An introduction to the phenomenal range of sexual expression and orientation occurring over the last 25 years worldwide.  Fifty Shades of Grey has triggered an explosive interest in Fetishsexuality, aka Kink, D/s-BDSM. I explain how to engage these edgy desires in a conscious, empowering and healing manner, and the critical need for sex-postive sex ed not only for teens, but also adults. Part 2: Sexual Authenticity, Shame, Honesty and Shadow. Fetishsexuality, aka Kink, D/s-BDSM. I explain how to engage these edgy desires in a conscious, empowering and healing manner, and the critical need for sex-postive sex ed not only for teens, but also adults. Part 3: We are pioneering the Wild West of Human Sexuality that is emerging after millennium of sex-negative moralistic repression, shame and fear. Part 4: Outdated Academic and Clinical Psychological Theories of Sexuality; SAD - Sexual Authenticity Disorder explained. Fifty Shades of Grey has triggered an explosive interest in Fetishsexuality, aka Kink, D/s-BDSM. I explain how to engage these edgy desires in a conscious, [...]

By | 2015-03-05T03:20:11+00:00 March 5th, 2015|Uncategorized|0 Comments

Fifty Shades 2.0 – Time to Upgrade Your Kink Sexuality Knowledge Base

4 critical guidelines to follow before you explore erotic dominance and submission.   Before the movie Fifty Shades of Grey unleashes another tsunami of sexual curiosity and exploration across the globe, I want to talk about how to consensually, potently and consciously release your and your partner’s Sexy Beasts via Erotic Dominance and Submission.   Fifty Shades of Grey has over 100 million in worldwide book sales and a hyper-anticipated movie coming this week. What this indicates is that Kink oriented sex is not only on the map, there is a global explosion of interest arising in all manner of alternative sexual expression.    I have not read the books, but it seems the general consensus from anyone experienced in conscious engagement of real time Dominance/submission and BDSM ( bondage, discipline, sadism, masochism) is that the depictions of D/s-BDSM in the relationship context (D/s) and the taboo sexual context (BDSM) are generally unsafe, abusive, non-consensual, immature and unconscious interactions between the partners.   Whatever you feel the truth about the books might be, the point here is to emphasize how critically important it is to [...]

By | 2015-02-11T17:50:36+00:00 February 11th, 2015|Uncategorized|0 Comments

Myth, Archetype, & Symbols of D/s Relationships & BDSM Sexuality

Understanding the compelling psychological undercurrents of our most taboo sexual desires and relationship structures. Our deepest erotic fantasies are shaped from the interplay of inner mythic stories, archetypes and symbols within our sexual psyches, activated during sexual engagement. Bringing these initially subtle inner elements into conscious awareness can open us to more fully experience explosive erotic intensity, access our deepest emotions, and ultimately strengthen intimacy and trust between partners. In a committed relationship, or even for a one-time negotiated scene with a play-partner, exploring our most taboo desires in a conscious manner offers the opportunity for both empowerment and healing. The challenge can be to notice these deeper, more vivid dimensions of our fantasies, often shrouded in shame, fear or trauma, and welcome them into our sexual expressions and relationships. To help in this regard, there are certain tools and techniques you can use, that can support you in discovering and inviting in what is personally sacred, authentic and meaningful to your sexual expression. Learning to use or create your own tools, sometimes called ritual practices, can open internal psychological pathways to deepen the physical, [...]

By | 2015-01-03T23:47:38+00:00 January 3rd, 2015|Uncategorized|1 Comment

Sex-Negative Good Men Project Bans “The Sex Positive Male”

The Good Men Project site censors any discussion of Kink, BDSM or Fetish Sexuality from my popular column. The Good Men’s Project’s views on what defines sex-positive expression by good men and women, and what does not, was made clear to me recently. They censored my featured column on GMP, The Sex Positive Male. I was told I could no longer include any content referring to D/s-BDSM, Kink or Fetishsexuality. This censorship occurred despite their editorial claim that the Good Men Project’s mission is to have “the conversation no one else is having.” They further emphasize exactly how open-minded they consider themselves to be. They declare how important it is to be open to more than one view about what constitutes good –“the question of what is good opens the door to huge philosophical implications. Where does goodness start and where does it end? Who is the judge of what is good?” Well apparently the “who” in this case are the same people, who despite the above claim, ARE afraid of having me include this particular conversation no on else is having about kink and [...]

By | 2014-12-13T20:47:03+00:00 December 13th, 2014|Uncategorized|6 Comments

New Sex Research Maps the Explosion of Erotic Kinks Emerging in 21st Century Sexuality

Innovative survey helps people clarify their core sexual themes and avoid erotic mismatches in relationships. The “Discover Your Personal Erotic Myth Survey” (PEM) is a tool for individuals or couples to map out the nuanced depths of their sexual desires. Once recognized, they can then learn how to fit those desires into their everyday life in a conscious, healthy, fulfilling manner. Nearly 2000 people, generally from more sex-positive and sex-alternative populations have taken the survey so far. The results are eye-opening and reveal the great depths and variations of sexuality that are emerging in the contemporary world. My experience working with client's demonstrates that knowing your Personal Erotic Myth can open you to unimagined sexual ecstasy, deepen intimacy in your relationships, and help you avoid disastrous erotic mismatches in long term relationships. And since it is Adult Sex Ed Month, what better reason could you need to check deeper into your own kinks. A PEM contains the fantasy imagery, story-lines, mythic archetypal personas (such as Dom/sub Master/Mistress slave and many more), and the particular enactments that drive a person that has a PEM to orgasm, or other deep erotic states. It is often [...]

By | 2014-10-28T05:13:49+00:00 October 28th, 2014|Uncategorized|0 Comments